Mike’s Musings: The FBI could be knocking on my door at any minute

I sometimes stand in wonderment at the inefficiencies and heavy handedness of our federal bureaucracy. As a taxpayer I think the sheer number of federal government employees and their inefficiencies costs us billions a year, and we need to get better at helping the people that pay their salaries.

Most of us have had our own sparring sessions with IRS and other agencies. I have certainly had more than my share, but the latest run-in takes the cake.

I’ve probably received three notifications by mail at my office that I must fill out a survey listing farm equipment or industrial machinery I might have. Because we are a small newspaper office, and do not farm or own any machinery, I have ignored the demands.

I think it’s quite absurd to think a 1000 square foot office, is growing fruits and vegetables. I did have a mushroom grow one time under my desk, when the area was flooded. I was amazed, here it was sprouting right under my foot. I didn’t think it was possible, but it was a healthy mushroom.

I also find it interesting that they send their survey by mail, but you are only allowed to fill it out online. Now I am somewhat capable of doing so, but a lot of people by age would prefer filling it out and mailing it back. It really seems like our government ought to provide both options.

I received a fourth letter by mail a couple of weeks ago. This time in big letters it demanded YOU MUST FILL OUT OR THIS MATTER MAY BE TURNED OVER TO THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE. I’m thinking this is serious. I don’t need the FBI breathing down my neck.

But then again, I thought, “You can’t be serious.” You are going to waste the Department of Justice’s time and money to come after a person for not filling out a survey that is not even applicable to their business. I decided to pursue it, however.

So, I picked up the telephone and placed a call. After being placed on hold for several minutes (isn’t that how it is whenever you call a federal agency?} the first person had no clue what I was talking about. So, he transferred me to another. Another lengthy time on hold, ugh. That person didn’t know anything either, so I was transferred a second time.

The third person kinda knew what I was referring to and advised I must fill out the survey whether it was applicable or not. I said, but not a single question on this survey is applicable. How am I supposed to answer? He had no advice, just reiterating get online and fill the survey out.

Well after an hour of being on the phone with these bureaucrats, I hung up in frustration and promptly pitched the fourth demand into the garbage. If they want to send the FBI or Attorney General after little old me, so be it. Maybe they can help me fill out the survey.