I wrote this article a few years ago, but every so often I like to resubmit it. As I keep adding a year onto my life (94 and staring down 95), I like to think I have also added some wisdom. My friend Bill Lambeth told me that making wisecracks isn’t the same as having wisdom, and I told him being a smart-a** isn’t the same thing as being smart. Anyway, for a long time, some part of me thought I might escape the typical ailments that come with a lot of birthdays. However, through a series of unfortunate events, my bicycle got traded in for a walker in a matter of months. The good news is that my brain has not suffered as much as my knees, and I can pass along with clarity the wisdom that comes with age. Here is what I have learned:
- WOMEN DICTATE A MAN’S CHOICES IN LIFE. It says so in Genesis 3 where the devil tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit and she persuaded Adam to join her. Her eyes were opened to the fact that she wasn’t covered up, and she and her offspring have spent a lifetime trying to clothe themselves except when they are at the beach.
- I STARTED OUT WITH NOTHING AND STILL HAVE MOST OF IT. In fact, I enjoy sharing my nothing with the grandbrats. I was born in the year 1929, literally the year of the Great Depression. When I say I grew up with very little, it means that the rips, patches, and holes on my blue jeans weren’t a fashion statement. It means I wore them five years in a row.
- IT IS EASIER TO MAKE A COMEBACK WHEN YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANYWHERE. If you think that a comeback is easy, try negotiating the construction when returning from the Atlanta Airport.
- I have learned over the years that THE ONLY TIME YOUR FRIENDS OR FED-EX RINGS YOUR DOORBELL IS WHEN YOU ARE IN THE BATHROOM . By the time you have answered the door, they are gone. Unfortunately, if it is the Lawn Pro salesman or an overzealous religious group, you are always available to answer the door. That reminds me, what do you call a Mormon climber? A Ladder Day Saint.
- I have learned that the BUCK DOES NOT STOP HERE. It seems that some of the bucks do stop by but they are not the cash-money kind. I looked in the back yard last night and a buck had stopped there. He was helping himself to the green plants in the yard. I remember that Buck Huguley was in the grade below me in high school. Buck went on to amass a few bucks in the Sinclair oil business. I forgot, the millennials have never heard of Sinclair or Standard Oil. The Standard Oil dealer was Billy Ratchford, and I am sure a few bucks stopped with him.
- AS YOU GET OLDER, THE PICKINGS GET SLIMMER, BUT THE PEOPLE DON’T. Of course I found my “pick” decades ago, and I think the girl from Watermelon Pond is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My sorry son-in-law’s mom (does that make her an outlaw?) does not believe my claim that I was able to have my fingers touch when I put them around Maxine’s tiny waist when we first started dating. But it’s true. She could’ve stepped into a coke bottle back then. In any case, it does seem true that as we age the dating pool gets smaller and the people get bigger.
- Finally, I have learned that I AM CONSTANTLY IN THE HEREAFTER. That is, every time I get out of the rocker to get something, I forget what I am hereafter.
Life on earth is a learning session. I am blessed with what I have, and the only thing that I really need is a competent undertaker and the Good LORD’s saving Grace.