I may be nearly 95 years old, but being that I’m still on this planet, I have plenty of New Year’s Resolutions. Many of them are what others need to be doing, starting with Congress and Hollywood. My grandson pointed out that I’m being as divisive as the country if I just make a list showing what OTHERS need to do, so in an effort to be a team player, I have one list for others and one list for me. That should make everyone half-pleased and half-annoyed – which sounds about right for the mood of this country.
RESOLUTIONS FOR ME
I will try to be more environmentally conscience like AOC keeps telling us. I will throw the tens of thousands of paper masks that she and her Democrat friends want us to wear, in the recycling bin instead of the trash. If you don’t know who AOC is, it stands for Alexandria Occasionally Clueless.
I will refer to all young women as ladies rather than chicks. Somehow I will still get in trouble when I call over the waitress by saying “Hey Lady!” but from what my four daughters tell me, constantly, it sounds better than “Hey Chick.” AOC – Always Omit Chick
I will no longer tease my Democrat friends that Biden is too old for office. Seeing that I’m 94 and feel more articulate than our President, it’s nothing to tease about. It’s time for him to move into Arbor Springs with me.
I will no longer throw “fits” about Dimwit Fitts and Tracy at Norman Cleaners charging me the same price for washing my speedos as they do for my coat.
I will quit referring to Bobby Jennings as a “penny pincher.” The correct term should be a “manager of wealth.”
I will quit bragging about my newspaper career by shoving the paper into all my friends’ mailboxes and saying, “Required Reading”. Instead, I will get my daughters to do it.
RESOLUTIONS FOR OTHERS
Congress shall resolve to have each member go work in a small business for a year. After the year is complete, they will be required to THEN vote on taxes and workplace laws.
All sons-in-law of William R. Frazer shall resolve to paint, mow, and fix the plumbing at all dwellings belonging to any 94 year-old men who they’re related to.
CNN and local news shall resolve to never mention the coronavirus in the Year 2024. From hence forward, it shall be referred to as a cold.
Hollywood should resolve to match their behavior to their activist words. Want to save the environment – no more private jets. Want to get rid of guns – no more getting paid for action movies. Want to take the side of terrorists against Israel – no more working with Steven Spielberg or 90% of the Hollywood movers and shakers.
Arbor Springs shall resolve to help me make it to the Christmas program next year that my daughter put on specifically for me and my friends, as opposed to this year when I was wheeled in an hour late. A New Year’s gold star goes to my granddaughters Sophie and Andie (and friends) who brought a guitar and gave me my own personal concert.
Lastly, the world resolves to acknowledge that the more we know, the more we realize what we DON’T know. GOD is the answer to everything.
I don’t give myself or others much of a chance of succeeding in carrying these out. But as they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I am praying that we slam-dunk the Year 2024. Cheers to new beginnings!