I’ve been boycotting the News here at the Old Folks Hotel. I figure we are one health crisis away from eternity so why stress us out and rush the whole process. Unfortunately, last week my daughter walked in with the newspaper, and it didn’t take long to read how the world is going to pot. The nutcases up in Washington have gotten nuttier. It seems Politicians still don’t know how to disagree and then get something done. Isn’t that we’re paying them for?

Last year I wrote about how Congress could learn a little bit from a rivalry that’s been around longer than Joe Biden. Like politicians, this rivalry comes together every November and fights it out. Unlike politicians, they remain friends. Of course I’m talking about Alabama Vs. Auburn.

I graduated from Auburn in 1958 when it was called by a different name: Alabama Polytechnic Institute. I can’t imagine trying to scream that name in a cheer. Maybe we started War Eagle as our battle cry because we couldn’t manage “Let’s Go Alabama Polytechnic Institute”! For as long as I can remember, even in Elementary School, you were known as either an Alabama or Auburn fan. Once a year, the friendships would get heated, a little awkward, and then it was all quickly forgotten.

Do I hate The U. of Alabama? 100%. Are several of my best friends Alabama fans? 100%. (How many of these Alabama fans actually graduated from the University? 15%). My point is we can smack talk our opponents AND have lunch with them at the same time. Every once in a while the rivalry can get out of control like a numbnut poisoning Auburn’s trees, but we replanted those trees. We did NOT go poison Nick Saban’s yard. I remember thinking the best way to get back at that jackass was to beat Alabama on the football field in a spectacular way. The Kick Six pretty much took care of that.

In both arenas, political and athletics, appropriate smack talk is the key to having a great time. Some might say that “appropriate smack talk” is an oxymoron, and I would say that person is an Auburn graduate for knowing what that word means. To demonstrate some fun smack talk, I’ll include two of my favorite jokes, one from each side of the aisle.

1. What did the Alabama student get on his SAT test? Drool

2. What’s the difference between the Auburn football team and a box of Cheerios? Cheerios make it into a bowl.

Even now, I asked my daughter for one more joke because I couldn’t let this end in a tie.

3. In a race for the bottom, who wins if an Alabama fan and a Georgia fan jump off a cliff? …Society.

The way the Founding Fathers set it up, there is a two-party system for a reason. Instead of dividing the country, it is supposed to make everyone feel represented. If your guy didn’t win this year, then maybe he will the next? My fellow Republicans had to live with Bill Clinton for a really long time, although Bill still has to live with Hillary so maybe he has been punished enough, and my Democrat friends had to listen to Trump constantly twitter, remember COFEFE, with a straight (orange) face.

My point when I wrote this article last year was that being a grown-up means we must learn how to disagree without blowing everything up. I mean, if you’ve ever been married, you should have mastered this. And now my daughter has just told me that the far-right voted out the Speaker from their own party. My only solution for all us voters? Change the channel to sports.