I’ve made some friends at the Old Folks Hotel. Perry is one of my GUY friends, and we are way outnumbered. Apparently, women live longer than men, but an argument could be made that it’s because women drove us to the grave. Anyway, Perry proudly served in the Marine Corps back when the country still cared about itself. If his military cap didn’t give it away, I would still have a clue from the tattoos on his forearms. His lovely wife, Edna, has a lot more energy than either one of us and keeps us in line. She also has pretty good hearing which is a rare commodity in the Old Folks Hotel. No one here is angry, but there is more yelling going on than when Nick Saban throws a clipboard. I was loudly explaining to Edna and Perry that I write a column called Humor with Bill Frazer. They said I needed to prove I was funny, so I stole these fifteen observations from someone I know.
1, Factual data indicated that 4,153, 237 got married last year. Doesn’t it bother you that it is an uneven number? I guess at least one person married themselves.
- An escalator never breaks, it just becomes stairs.
- It is ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom unless they are flashing on a cop’s car behind you.
- A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
- America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but will not cross the street to vote.
- You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone! That’s your common sense leaving your body.
- Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
- I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
- They say money talks – but all mine says is goodbye.
10.If you think that nobody cares whether you are alive or dead, just miss some payments to your life insurance carrier. - Yesterday my pharmacist asked me my birth date again. I’m pretty sure Chuck is going to give me a birthday prescription.
- It is pretty cool how the Chinese can make a language entirely out of tattoos.
- I think about all those people that buy Evian water at $2.00 per bottle. It fits as Evian spelled backward is naive which is exactly what they are.
- People are getting fatter, but TVs are getting thinner,
And my favorite number 15….. - It is ironic that when taxes are due, if you join the words THE and IRS, it spells THEIRS.
One more observation. Another friend I’ve met is Betty. Betty can play the piano and sing gospel music better than any 20-year-old. In a room full of the elderly, nothing is better than singing an old hymn that brings us back to a simpler time. Lately I’ve observed that some of our favorites have a theme: “I’ll Fly Away”, “What a Day That Will Be”, and “When the Roll is Called up Yonder”. Maybe by the time the roll is called in our heavenly state, we will all be able to HEAR it.