By G C Stoppel
Do people still make New Year’s Resolutions, or is it a now dead tradition? For those of us who are still doing it, the question of the week: What are your resolutions for the coming year?
-Man at a gas station on M-89: “Buy a vehicle that doesn’t guzzle gas like this one. This one drink worse than my pa.
-Man at the next pump: “Make that a double. I need a new one, too.”
-Woman near the library in Fennville: “The usual – lose weight, save money, be a nicer person. I’ve been making the same ones for years, so what’s the point of looking for something different until I get this right?”
-Man near the grocery store in Fennville: “I never fool around with that stuff.”
-Woman near the same location: “To be a better person. You know, kinder, nicer, things like that.”
-Boy with her: “My dad said my resolution is going to watch less tv and spend less time on my smart phone, and he’s going to help me keep them.”
-Man near the hardware store: “Work smarter, not harder; save more and drink a lot less. But New Year’s Eve doesn’t count, right? I mean, it’s not the new year yet, so one last time.”
-Young woman near the Allegan Post Office: “Not to speed anymore. I got pulled over for it Thursday night.”
-Woman with her: “Find a decent guy this year. The last one was [barnyard organic fertilizer]. The [more fertilizer] broke up with me just before Christmas so he wouldn’t have to buy me a present!”
-Father and two children near the Allegan library: “We’re getting a jump start – I’d like the kids to read more!” Boy with him: “My favorite is ‘Mike Mulligan!’ I like him!” Older sibling: “I like Harry Potter!”
-Couple near Minnie’s: Man: “Seeing that collar, I guess you’d like me to say I’m going to go to church more next year. Just kidding. No, our resolution is to go on a cruise this year.” Woman: “Mine is to get in shape so I’ll look good on the beach.”
- School-age young man near Hunter’s Store: “My parents saw my grades. I think my resolution means I’ll be studying harder the rest of the year. That, and staying healthy.”
- Couple near the Allegan Post Office: Man: “Resolutions are not part of our beliefs. We were taught to make our prayers to God for help, then wait for His guidance and help.”
- Man in courthouse parking lot: “Resolutions? You gotta be kidding. People say they’re making resolutions, but I don’t believe ‘em.You know how many people get summoned for a misdemeanor and promise the judge they’ll never do it again? They’re probably trying to figure out their next funny business before they get out the door. And they’re under oath, too!”
-Woman near the United Methodist Church: “To be a better person.”