A good friend once said that contentment was an act of radical defiance. That was interesting, and she went on to explain, “No one wants to be content. It’s like settling, like saying something is good enough or almost good. Worse, they’ve got it in for anyone who claims to be contented because that means you’re happy, and they don’t like people being happy. They want people unhappy, striving, and always fighting and pushing ahead.
“Contentment? Growing up always came across as laziness. You know, sitting down with your hands folded on your lap, eyes half open, relaxing, doing nothing. No wonder people don’t like people like that, not when there is work to be done; especially not when people are suffering!”
People who are in misery want others to experience misery, too; they don’t like it when others are emotionally flourishing. Apparently, their real difficulty is that those who are contented in life are happy.
As much as some people despise happiness and contentment in others, it is an almost a universal desire for oneself. Our persistent question is how to do it. Professor Cassie Holmes of UCLA has taught a course that makes it relatively simple. The first thing we must do is realize that we are not happy and not content because we believe others are infringing on our time. We say, “If I had more time I could do the things that make me happy and become a content person.’ The professor would agree with that.
The real time waster is not another person or our work or anything else. She states that it comes from within. It is the face in the mirror. Professor Holmes points out that we waste a tremendous amount of time with our electronic devices. We begin our mornings by checking messages and telephone calls that might have arrived over night. We check one or more news services because we want to know what is happening in the world, even if there is nothing we can do about it. We check social media so that we don’t fall behind and can keep up with others.
One nearby radio station reminds its listeners that they give road reports every ten minutes, and the news on the hour and half hour, and then adds, “Keep checking in throughout the day to find the latest news.” Fine. They are in the business of selling advertising space, so the more listeners they have, the better their financial bottom line. But is that really our responsibility to disrupt our day for the sake of their ratings? Of course not.
The first task, Professor Holmes is to intentionally decide we want to recapture and claim our time, but not turn right around and give it to our electronic devices. Her idea of a digital detox is to step away from all communication devices, other than those needed for work, for six hours at a time. That appears to be easy, but it is hard, at least for the first few weeks as we break an old habit and create a new one.
The second task is to block out two to four hours every day for oneself. Call it ‘me time’ or ‘discretionary time’ or whatever you like but claim it and old it as sacred as the old family photos, the sterling silver, or the good China. If it is less than two hours you will still be experiencing a lot of unpleasant stress in your life. If it is more than four, it is such a big chunk of time that the temptation is to waste it. And, of course, we must be judicious in selecting our discretionary time.
Remember, you did not digitally detox just to waste time. That is about cutting off the bottom of the sheet and sewing it onto the top, thinking you’ll have more of it. Rather, it is to take control of your life and do what you think will enhance it.
Do you remember Alf Wright? Probably you know him best as James Herriot, the author of several books based on his life as a veterinarian in northern Yorkshire in the 1930s. He had a big practice, a family to support, and decided the only way he would have time to write was if he got up an hour earlier in the morning. He did, and he enjoyed tremendous success. People still read All Creatures Great and Small or watch the television versions.
I do the same thing. I get up early so I can write and still fulfill my other responsibilities.
The other advice Professor Holmes gives to her students is a reminded that it takes tremendous courage to be happy. Those who decide to digitally detox will probably get an earful from their friends, the rolled eye-balls treatment, or a long mournful sigh when you can’t chime in the latest gossip. They’ll say something to take you down a peg, or ask, in a condescending voice, if you are all right. You probably do not want to know what they’ll say about you when you leave the room. Or, someone will hear your plan for the next weeks, and then make a caustic comment about how you will never succeed. That is probably because they tried doing it and failed.
It takes courage to block out your discretionary time when others suddenly start making demands, with a scoop shovel of implied guilt for being so selfish with your time. It gets worse if you tell them you are going to do something creative or athletic. They’ll tell you good luck, but you probably won’t get very far with your fanciful dreams. It takes courage to persevere to convert dreams into reality, and experience success in life. And success leads straight to happiness and contentment.
Still, if you value your happiness you will be eager to get rid of the things and people that waste your time, carve out time for yourself, and stand up to what Vice President Agnew called the “Nattering nabobs of negativism.”