Many of us who are older often begin to lose our sense of closeness to God. Some of us
begin to question if God exist, and if he does, why do I not feel his presence as I once did? Why
is it that as I get older that I notice my flaws more easily? It seems that as I get older, that I
should feel the presence of God more intimately, warmly, and closely? Where is the joy that I
once had in my relationship with Jesus? These are very serious questions and while I will not
pretend to have all the answers, I would like to offer some observations and suggestions that
may help.
The first idea, offered by Bishop Baron, is that as we draw closer to God, we notice our
sinfulness more clearly. He states that as we draw near the light of Christ, our sins are more
easily seen. Let me offer this analogy. When I drive in my car away from the sun, my
windshield looks pretty clean and flawless, but when I drive toward the sun, I notice every bug,
pit, and dirt more easily. I would conclude that if you are feeling more unworthy and sinful,
that you are moving toward God and not away from him. Ironically, a sense of sinfulness and
unworthiness, is a sign of greater holiness.
Another idea that gives hope is that lesson from the Book of Job. Satan says to God that
Job is loyal, happy and faithful, because he has been blessed with great wealth. Who wouldn’t
be? God then takes away Job’s wealth and health. How does Job respond? His faith is not
shaken, even though it is not rewarded. How about us? It seems easy to believe when things
are going well. It is easy to have faith in God when we can sense his presence. But what
happens when we don’t? Do we conclude that God is not present, or do we see this an
opportunity to grow towards holiness? When I don’t sense God’s presence, I miss him, and
look forward to the time when I will feel it again. I grow in holiness, the desire to be with him.
Another idea is that we often are blinded to who we are. Jesus says to the hypocrites
that they are always noticing the sliver in another’s eye while having a log in their own. Could it
not be true in the reverse? Mother Theresa spent the last years of her life not feeling the love
of God and his presence. She felt utterly abandoned by God. Where was the joy of holiness
and intimacy with Jesus? She couldn’t see it! Yet everyone around her could see her joy and
love and holiness. Just because you cannot see it or feel it does not mean it is not there.
All of us are called to be holy, to be saints. It is our destiny. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if
we could feel his presence all the time? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to never doubt? I’ve
concluded that those times when I don’t feel the joy of his presence, that I continue to miss
God and long for him, continuing to be in his presence, and that someday I will sense his
presence, holy, never to doubt again. That is my hope.
“May the Lord bless and keep you. May he let his face shine upon you and be gracious
to you and give you his peace.”